Help for Your Middle Schooler

Middle school brings back bad memories for most of us understandably. It is an awkward time socially, developmentally, emotionally and academically. A large part of that awkwardness is due to the fact that their brains are in the midst of some important growth. From ages 12-17 there are developmental spurts in the brain; particularly in the frontal lobe where most executive function (EF) skills are located. These skills allow us to do everything. EF skills involve…

”high-level cognitive functions…that help us to decide what activities or task we will pay attention to and which ones we will choose to do…they allow us to organize behavior over time and override immediate demands in favor of longer-term goals…allow us to plan and organize activities, sustain attention, and persist to complete a task…allow us to manage our emotions and monitor our thoughts in order to work more efficiently and effectively.” –Dawson & Guare, 2010  

There are cognition EF skills and behavior EF skills.

Cognition (thinking) skills include working memory, planning/prioritizing, organization, productivity (time management) and metacognition. Behavior (doing) skills include response inhibition, emotional control, sustained attention, task initiation, goal-directed persistence, and flexibility. EF skills work together and not only. Some work together more closely, for example, if a student has a weak flexible skill then often he has a weak emotional control as well.

What can you do to help your middle schooler:

1. Ask him how you can support him? My daughter has an amazing long term memory but a weak working memory. I have an app that is set up to text here repeatedly at scheduled times to help her remember to do certain tasks per her request.
2. Focus on her strengths. My other daughter is great with a to-do list. She uses it daily and without prompting most days.
3. Role play Pretend to be a teacher or a student who your child may be having a difficult time with. So he can go through his emotional reactions somewhere safe and with support.
4. Have the student call or text you his homework assignments. When I used to sub, there was this young man who just could remember to write down his homework no matter what system was set up. So his teacher (me- sometimes because I was subbing) would have him call his dad during study hall. You are going to need the buy-in of a teacher so don’t encourage your kid to pull out his cell phone during classes.
5. Think of a situation that could happen and problem solve solutions beforehand. Like what to do if she misses her bus (especially if you have to leave the house in the morning before her), or if you are late picking her up.
6. Talk to her about her homework and what she is learning in her classes. Especially if she is a verbal/oral learner. Don’t assume that your child knows how to do everything she is being asked to do.
7. Use timers or Re-vibe to stay on task.
8. Help your kid look ahead to plan with him, and look back to see what worked or didn’t work in the past.
9. Plan breaks and down time. Using your frontal lobe is exhausting.
10. Create a relationship that allows your child to know he can always ask for your help and that you will do your best to help him or come up with a plan.