Failure – How to support your student

Failure is part of life. If your child has never failed before, it can be a hard blown to their self-esteem. If your child has failed repeatedly, it can be a hard blown to their self-esteem. What failure is can mean different things for different students. At one point in time, anything that wasn’t an A was failure to my son. Some may consider getting a B in a class failure, some may consider not doing well on one quiz failure. As adults we know that failure is an important part of success but the first time a student who normally successes fails it can feel like the world is ending.

 

Here is what you can do as a parent:

1. Find out what failure means to your child.
2. Ask your child, what is the worst thing that could happen if you fail?
3. Create a mind shift to show that failure is an opportunity. How you fail matters. Do you give up or do you figure out how you failed so you can correct it?
4. Beforehand, make sure your child understands that it is their effort that is important and not their ability.
5. Teach your child and model, that their worth (or anybody’s) is not contingent on success. We are worthy simply because we are human beings. Failure is part of the human experience which needs to be accepted.
6. Encourage them to have positive relationships with their teachers. It has been shown in research that students are motivated to try their best with teachers whom they have positive relationships and are less motivated when they believe their teacher doesn’t care about them.
7. Again beforehand, discuss the fear of failure. Fear can stop some students in their tracks but naming it and discussing why they fear failure can go a long way to disarming it.
8. Normalize failure. We all have experienced it at some point.
9. Keep your cool- they are the ones who are struggling.