Executive Functions Skills for Smart Kids Having a Hard Time

I often hear “my kid is really smart; if he can get through school, he’ll be fine.” No, he won’t. Sorry but it’s true. We hear about executive function (EF)skills in relationship to being an important part of academic success but they are so much more. EF skills are basic skills for life regardless of who you are, what your lifestyle is and what you do for a living. Life after school may seem like it is going to be less stressful but I am contacted by parents looking for help for their adult children all the time. These parents realized too late that their kids can’t do life without these important skills. When I am working with student clients, I tell them we are going to work on habit X so in college you can do Y and in life, you can do Z. Giving the skill we are building a purpose for “real” life. Kids want to know why they need to learn something. If Billy, Susie, and Johnny don’t practice or learn these skills while in school, they will not be fine.

Here are five executive function skills for school and beyond. Every skill needs to be practiced to become efficient at it whether it is playing the cello, passing a football or planning your week:

1. Sustained attention – is the ability to persist with a task even in the midst of more entertaining or interesting activity choices. Really meaning that your student can read his assigned LA book even though he wants to play on the Xbox that is sitting right there. A great way to build sustained attention in your children is to have them do chores. Finding the right motivation is important. It may turn out that 15 minutes is all they can muster so learning to really work hard for 15-minute increments is an important lesson. It may be that to sustain their attention they need to move, talk out loud, lay on the floor, listen to music with earbuds. These are all okay – great even!
2. Time management – the capacity to estimate how much time one has, how to allocate it, and how to stay within time limits and deadlines. It also involves a sense that time is important. I have a client who calls it “life management” because your time is your life. I love this phrase and plan on stealing it when I talk to other clients. I am shocked at how many of my student clients can’t tell time. Telling time means using an analog clock and it means understanding the passage of time. I am not talking about young children; I mean middle and high school aged students who can not read a clock. If you can not read a clock, you don’t understand the passage of time, so you can not time your tasks. If you don’t know how long your tasks take, you can’t estimate how long anything will take you to complete. If you can’t estimate how long your tasks, you can’t plan your day, week, month, year, or life. It teaches us how to sequencing life’s events. To practice this skill have your teens time their tasks from getting ready in the morning (as a whole) to LA homework to chores. If they are off task while timing themselves then they should note that too. If your teen tends to get off task, try a timer to help keep them on task; many people do well with a looming deadline or competition. For younger children, cover your house with analog clock – big ones! For older children/teens, give them an alarm clock and expect them to wake themselves up. Talk to your child/teen about the future. When the child is younger so show how you plan out the week, maybe at a family meeting on Sunday nights. When the child is older or a teen ask questions, what is their plan to get their science project done? If they have soccer practice, have to shower, and have to eat dinner, with travel time, how much time to they have to do homework? Teach them to consider smaller things like going to the bathroom, eating and chatty about their school day with you when planning. Connecting a series of tasks together (like making a lunch, picking out clothes for the next day, putting items for school or after school in their backpack and by the door, brushing teeth, changing into PJs) is a system. Over time they become habits that we do. Our brains like habit because they use up less energy. 40% of what we do each day are habits.
3. Organization – is the ability to create and maintain systems to keep track of information or materials. To help teach maintaining organization, teach younger children to put items away when they are finished with them or do a whole house pick up with everyone for 10-15 minutes at the same time every day. Try living simply or at least get in the habit of donating annually. If you start young children are fairly empathic so they get the concept of other people who are in need. To organize school papers – throw away the school supply list and instead take your child/teen shopping with you. Three ring binders don’t work for everyone, accordion style is preferred by most of my clients, single subject notebooks, one folder for homework and assignments (or permission slips) to turn in turning assigns in losing things. To make school mornings less stressful, create systems for the evening to prepare for the next day and for the morning to get out the door.
4. Working memory – is the ability to hold information in memory while performing complex tasks. It incorporates the ability to draw on past learning or experience to apply to the situation at hand or to project into the future. No one can remember everything so learn to write information needed later down. Maybe you can remember it but you are using up brain energy that could be used for another task. Your child/teen should be writing down notes for class, soccer practice schedule, doctor appointments, phone messages, homework, names of books they want to read, genius ideas and any other information they may need later. Phones aren’t allowed in most schools so a paper planner that is in a grid format works best. But really your student can use anything – a blank notebook. I know one organizer who had a student client who was resistant to writing stuff down, she required it when working with her. So he said he wanted to use a roll of paper towels. It worked but eventually, he came around to a paper planner. Play games that help with memory skills. Try using lists as reminders of morning and evening routines and chores to help limit nagging. Try using alarms/timers to remind students anything and everything like when to take meds, when break time in over, when work time is over, when to take a shower when it is time to transition to another activity, as a 5-minute warning before leaving the house, etc.
5. Emotional control – is the ability to manage emotions to achieve goals, complete tasks, or control and direct behavior. Learning emotional control is essential to attending school or working. Try being empathetic and empowering at the same time by identifying how they are feeling; often naming as emotion gives it less power. Better yet ask your child to identify how she is feeling. If you feel the need to limit unwanted behavior; “Even though it okay to be upset, it is never okay to hit. Please tell me how you feel,” be specific about what you expect. For young children, talk about empathy to build a foundation of understanding others. Play games that require turn taking. Watch movies or read a book together so you can talk about the characters’ feelings. Allow them to find something that is self-soothing as long as it is safe. Students do better in classes when they feel the teacher truly cares about them; encourage your teen to talk to his teachers outside of class to develop a relationship, especially if he doesn’t like the teacher or the subject being taught. Try mindfulness training, counting to five before being allowed to answer someone, learn to walk away or say something to yourself that is calming to you. My daughter love sharks when I see she is going overwhelmed, I ask her to tell me some facts about sharks.

Some EF skills will always be difficult for some people, part of my job is to help find new uses for strengths my clients already have. Practicing these skills will help, making a plan ahead of time will help, understanding that no one including ourselves is perfect every minute of every day.